Quotes about Humor

The tears coursed down her cheeks - not freely, however, for when they came into contact with her heavily beaded eyelashes they assumed an inky color, and pursued the rest of their way in slow black rivulets. A humorous suggestion was made that she sing the notes on her face whereupon she threw up her hands, sank into a chair and went off into a deep vinous sleep.

When kids run up to me and ask, 'What happened?' I just lean over and whisper, 'Cigarettes.' And once I was in a car and this girl at traffic lights was giving me the eye. She could only see my head, so I decided to do a 360 in the car seat to freak her out. Her face was like, 'Whoa, what is going on?' She sped off really quickly.

The book, '12 Rules For Life,' is a very serious book. There's elements of humor in it, but I'm trying to struggle with things at the deepest possible level and to explain to people why it's necessary to live a upstanding and noble and moral and truthful and responsible life, and why there's hell to pay if you don't do that.

We were at a beach one summer, and I had a bathing suit on. My wife looked at me and said: 'Boy, you are skinny, aren't you?' I said: 'Honey, I'd like to remind you that it was minor defects like this that kept me from getting a better wife.'

My wife thinks she's better than me at puzzles. I haven't given in on that one yet.

The next time you're tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead.

I know my serve stinks, but I was a pretty good tennis player.

Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.

Fred: "Is that brick wall your boyfriend?" Doug: "Only in my dreams." Fred: "Oh, you too? I'm Fred." Doug: "Doug. I should mention, in all fairness though that Christy's boyfriend is my best friend. He's the brick wall you should be worried about.

IRISH BLESSING   And may I conclude with a little Irish blessing — although, some suggest it's a curse: May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us, may God turn their hearts. And if He doesn't turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping. Speech on Administrative Goals to Senior Presidential Appointees, September 8, 1987

The only intelligent tactical response to life's horror is to laugh defiantly at it

I opened my eyes and saw the real world, and I began to laugh, and i haven't stopped since.