Quotes about Humor

Don't worry, I'm hilarious.

When I teach the formal curriculum, I have the chance to think about it ahead of time. I can rehearse it. I can illustrate it with self-deprecating humor and humble-sounding personal disclosure. I can try to make it comes out just right.

Dear intelligent people of the world, don't get shampoo in your eyes. It really stings. There. Done. Now fucking stop torturing animals.

The best thing about being dead is that you don't know about it. It's like being stupid - it's only painful for others.

Relax. No one else knows what they're doing either.

If you can laugh in the face of adversity, you're bullet-proof.

Sometimes I think my life would make a great TV movie. It even has the part where they say, "Stand by. We are experiencing temporary difficulties."

It's amazing how much funny stuff there is.... [A] river of rich comedic milk is flowing across the land, and as fast as I skim off the cream more cream appears.... I may be doomed to wade around forever in other people's pith. Not that it's such a bad life.

Since you are determined to be married, Miss Cornelia, said Gilbert solemnly, I shall give you the excellent rules for the management of a husband which my grandmother gave my mother when she married my father. Well, I reckon I can manage Marshall Elliott, said Miss Cornelia placidly. But let us hear your rules. The first one is, catch him. He's caught. Go on. The second one is, feed him well. With enough pie. What next? The third and fourth are-- keep your eye on him.

Nathan always believed his wife was trying to poison him but he didn't seem to mind. He said it made life kind of exciting.

Mrs. Spencer said that my tongue must be hung in the middle. But it isn't — it's firmly fastened at one end.

Anne had brought her slate down on Gilbert's head and cracked it—slate not head—clear across.