Quotes about Humor

I'm so happy I could scalp somebody. (Said after he got married)

All great men are dead, and I'm not feeling too well myself.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading--though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it.

If a stranger called and interrupted you, you said with your hearty tongue, I'm glad to see you, and said with your heartier soul, I wish you were with the cannibals and it was dinner-time. When

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass. Notebook When

The average human being is a perverse creature; and when he isn't that, he is a practical joker.

He arrived, looked me over with a smiling and impudent curiosity; said he had come for me, and informed me that he was a page. Go 'long, I said; you ain't more than a paragraph.

It all began with Adam. He was the first man to tell a joke--or a lie. How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before. Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant. - Notebook, 1867

This, together with his hanging his coat on the floor on one side of a chair, and his vest on the floor on the other side, and piling his pants on the floor just in front of the same chair, and then contemplating the general result with superstitious awe, and finally pronouncing it "too many for him" and going to bed with his boots on, led us to fear that something he had eaten had not agreed with him.

the old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a-man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bill like everything.

As long as you're in your right mind don't you ever pray for twins. Twins amount to a permanent riot. And there