Quotes from Roseanne Barr

You may marry the man of your dreams ladies but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.

I loved work and I loved pouring myself into the work, you know. It was the real life that I had trouble with.

Pot enables you to think clearly without any fear or any limits. It's a mind-expander, which is part of why it's illegal and why drugs like Vicodin are legal.

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.