Quotes from Melody Beattie

Sometimes when we meet other people—and even after we've gotten to know them—all we see is the tip of the iceberg when we look at their lives. We don't understand the things that are driving them, the unresolved issues from their pasts, and the depth of pain they're in now.

When we got clean, we could do things other people couldn't—like help other addicts and alkies get sober. We could be as good as we'd been bad. We were useful; there was a place for us in the world. It had been fun to get high, but it was even more exciting to get sober. We believed in recovery. We believed in people. We believed in life, and we believed in God. There was a revolution going on. "For a while it was Camelot," a friend said.

That's the thing with addicts. We don't intend to drink or use drugs. Usually the times we most shouldn't drink or use is when we end up drinking and using the most. Loss of control is the identifying stamp and seal of addiction. We lose control of when we use, what we use, how much we use, and what we do when we're drunk or stoned.

Have no fear, child, a voice whispers. Have no regrets. Relinquish your resentments. Let Me take your pain. All you have is the present moment. Be still. Be here. Trust. All you have is now. It is enough.

I wanted to be a victim. I continued to act like I did not have choices and that it was always everyone else's fault in the family for how I felt and reacted." More

Sometimes people behave in certain ways to provoke us to react in certain ways. If we stop reacting in these certain ways, we take all the fun out of it for them.

I believe that clutching tightly to a person or thing, or forcing my will on any given situation eliminates the possibility of my Higher Power doing anything constructive about the situation, the person, or me. My controlling blocks God's power. It blocks other people's ability to grow. It stops events from happening naturally. It prevents me from enjoying people or events.

We try to be living proof that people can outgive God.

The less good stuff we find in ourselves, the more we seek it in others.

Radical faith is bold. It's not squeamish, fundamentalist, judgmental, or blaming. It's courageous.

The worst aspect of caretaking is that we become and stay victims. I believe many serious self-destructive behaviors—substance abuse, eating disorders, sexual disorders—are developed through this victim role.

If we absolutely can't feel good about something we're doing, then we shouldn't do it - no matter how charitable it seems. We also shouldn't do things for others that they ought to and are capable or doing for themselves. Other people aren't helpless. Neither are we.