Quotes from Conan O'Brien
Rick Perry dropped out of the presidential race. When asked what went wrong, Perry said, I guess America is not ready to elect a dumb guy from Texas. But in time.
- Conan O'Brien
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a sequel to 'The Terminator.' In this one he travels back in time and kills the person who suggested he run for governor.
- Conan O'Brien
Yesterday, the Pentagon warned U.S. reporters that they should get out of Baghdad as soon as possible because the U.S. could attack at any time. Then the Pentagon added, 'Whatever you do, don't tell Geraldo.'
- Conan O'Brien
The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.
- Conan O'Brien
People are questioning if Ted Cruz can legally run for president because he was born in Canada. And the last thing we want to do is pave the way for a President Bieber.
- Conan O'Brien
If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.
- Conan O'Brien
Let's just agree any group of 3 or more handsome British men should be referred to as a 'cumberbatch.'
- Conan O'Brien
Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.
- Conan O'Brien
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.
- Conan O'Brien
Don't be cynical; it leads nowhere. If you work hard, and are kind, amazing things will happen to you.
- Conan O'Brien
A new report says ISIS is trying to recruit professionals like doctors, engineers, and accountants. Sorry, kids, even ISIS says they're not hiring liberal arts majors.
- Conan O'Brien
People always ask me: "Why?! Oh God why?!" Mostly at the beach.
- Conan O'Brien