Quotes from Mark Twain

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

There's no such thing as an uninteresting life, such a thing is an impossibility. Beneath the dullest exterior, there is a drama, a comedy, a tragedy.

What God wills, will happen; thou canst not hurry it, thou canst not alter it; therefore wait; and be patient

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.

Man is the reasoning animal. Such is the claim.

Man is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight

It is said, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent upon him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not.

Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Who shall say that this is not the golden age of mutual trust, of unlimited reliance upon human promises? That is a peculiar condition of society which enables a whole nation to instantly recognize point and meaning in the familiar newspaper anecdote, which puts into the mouth of a distinguished speculator in lands and mines this remark: 'I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two millions of dollars.

All great men are dead, and I'm not feeling too well myself.

In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.

Man is the only animal who blushes...or needs to.

He has one code of morals for himself, and quite another for his children. He requires his children to deal justly—and gently—with offenders, and forgive them seventy-and-seven times; whereas he deals neither justly nor gently with anyone, and he did not forgive the ignorant and thoughtless first pair of juveniles even their first small offense and say, "You may go free this time, I will give you another chance.