Quotes from Mark Twain

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.

Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one's head.

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.

Comparison is the death of joy.

Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool.