Quotes from Pete Holmes

I think what people respond to is someone being who they actually are.

I saved my money.

When I got divorced, the first people I called were Nick Kroll and John Mulaney and T. J. Miller - all the pals.

Losing your faith is an essential part of having a three-dimensional, vivid, vibrant faith.

I wanted to be a pastor. I was going to be a youth pastor. I mean, I play guitar; I like to make people laugh.

Ideally, a good pastor wants to empower a congregation to the point where they don't need him. You want everyone to leave feeling better.

I hate when pastors have a gay son and then they become pro-gay.

I knew I wanted a 'Girls'-type show about my life, but what's the big thing that happened to me? Oh, I got married when I was young.

When I look at what's happening with #MeToo, my heart breaks, basically, for everybody involved.

I remember talking to comedian Jimmy Pardo about his experience waiting to hear about his own pilot, and we both agreed on one thing: When you can't control your showbiz fate, you can at least control the amount of ice cream you're eating. And if you're like us, it was a lot.

When I was in junior high, I went to a really hippy dippy Quaker school where we called our teachers by their first names and stuff.

When I grew up, my model of God was like a lifeguard: I knew He loved me, but He blew his whistle a lot.