Quotes from John Oliver

Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.

It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.

As any Brit will understand, things get a little easier when you don't have to be number one any more. Really, the fall of an empire is not as bad as everyone thinks. It's like retirement. People fear retirement, but it can turn out be rather pleasant.

I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.

Obviously Christianity is the one true faith, but if Islam is correct, u are fucked. I mean you are power fucked." - John Oliver to Alex McFarland

Democracy is like a tamborine - not everyone can be trusted with it.

If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring. Apple could put the entire text of "Mein Kampf" inside the iTunes user agreement, and you'd just go agree, agree, agree - what? - agree, agree.

The German language is so sonorous, isn't it? Beautiful language...the language of poetry. Angry, angry poetry.

I have occasionally - if ever I do interviews that are difficult or nerve-wracking - I take my wife's dog tags and have them in my pocket because it's a very quick way to realize that what I'm doing is not that important. It's not really worth getting stressed about because it's not, you know, war.

I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

People are friendlier in New York than London.