Quotes from Ricky Gervais

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Suggesting I hate people with religion because I hate religion is like suggesting I hate people with cancer because I hate cancer.

Dear Religion, This week I safely dropped a man from space while you shot a child in the head for wanting to go to school. Yours, Science.

Dear intelligent people of the world, don't get shampoo in your eyes. It really stings. There. Done. Now fucking stop torturing animals.

There's no difference between fame and infamy now. There's a new school of professional famous people that don't do anything. They don't create anything.

Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don't know whether you're in a trough until you're climbing out, or on a peak until you're coming down. And that's it you know, you never know what's round the corner. But it's all good. "If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain." Do you know which "philosopher" said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.

Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth . . . Then he said, "Let there be light." Which means he made the entire universe in the dark! How fucking good is that? He's brilliant.

Remember, if you don't sin, then Jesus died for nothing

Spirituality really lost its way when it became a stick to beat people with: 'Do this or you'll burn in hell.

The best thing about being dead is that you don't know about it. It's like being stupid - it's only painful for others.

If you try to please everyone you'll please no one.