Quotes from Stephen Colbert

I'm very comfortable with uncomfortable situations, and I think that can seem odd to people, that I like the thrill of discomfort.

What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.

I heard that after you throw away a 'New York Times,' it takes over a hundred years for the lies to biodegrade.

I am highly variable in my devotion. From a doctrinal point of view or a dogmatic point of view or a strictly Catholic adherent point of view, I'm first to say that I talk a good game, but I don't know how good I am about it in practice.

So, a word to all you Femin-Idi-Amins: Stop "liberating" moms by trying tomake them join the workforce. They're already doing the job that God putthem here to do: Everything.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.