Quotes from Stephen Colbert

If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'

All weather is sin-related. Lust causes thunder, anger causes fog, and you don't want to know what causes dew.

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry.

Class is a way of looking at society that divides people into different categories based on how much money they're willing to make.

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway.

I started off at the Second City in Chicago... It's an improvisational theater that ostensibly does social and political satire, but when I was there, we generally didn't. We did character work, and we did just the silliest things we could think of. We weren't all that concerned with, you know, changing the world through mime.

Thankfully, dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses.

Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.

If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.

I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.