Quotes from Gary Thomas

Occasional acts of dramatic service like this can go such a long way — not only in cementing intimacy as a couple, but in reminding the spouse who does the giving that to know Christ is to know service; to become like Christ is to become like a servant; to follow Christ is to follow the way of service.

So many marriages are filled with resentment, but voluntary acts of service can be the quickest way to replace resentment with love. When we act in service with godly motives, resentment suffocates and dies. It is only when we see that our pride and selfishness are the greatest barriers to our joy (rather than our spouse's sins or shortcomings) that our marriages will fully express the character of Christ.

The marriage relationship allows us to experientially identify with God and his relationship with Israel.

Even so, whenever the biblical model is superseded and a woman or man becomes a mom or dad first instead of a wife or husband first, the marriage suffers—very often irretrievably.

When you sexually reconnect, you feel the effects of this neurochemical cement. Learning to disregard this cement (which you must eventually do to break things off) will undercut the positive effects it has in marriage. You must train yourself to ignore what God created you to pay attention to.

Here's what I've come to terms with in regard to mission: My first goal in life isn't to defend me. What someone thinks about me won't impact their future spiritual destiny.

Love portrayed in media as fleeting fun. This is the kind of love celebrated in most movies, novels, television programs, and songs. You've been conditioned to value it above all else and have been told that it's the only "authentic" love.

Honesty demands directness: God has to discipline us to transform us.

response—"Lord, how can I love him [or her] today like he [or she] has never been loved?" The answer may be very practical: take over a chore, speak a word of encouragement, take care of something that needs fixing. Or it may be romantic, or over-the-top creative, or generous, or very simple.

But ask God to help you. Partner with him to build up and encourage the person with whom you've chosen to spend the rest of your life. Ask. "How can I love my spouse today like he [or she] has never been or ever will be loved?" When we focus on what we can do, it's amazing how little time we have left to become consumed by our disappointments.

The same conclusion could be made about marriage. Every marriage has sorrows. Every marriage has trials. There isn't a shared bedroom in this country where tension doesn't occasionally or perhaps frequently lift its snarling head. Many a pillow has been a solemn receptacle for soul-felt tears, cried late at night or even all throughout the day. We don't get to choose which sorrows or trials we are called to bear, only that we must endure them.

John Wesley once boldly proclaimed that it is not possible for a man to be happy who is not also holy, and the way he explains it makes much sense. Who can be truly "happy" while filled with anger, rage, and malice? Who can be happy while nursing resentment or envy? Who can be honestly happy while caught in the sticky compulsion of an insatiable lust or incessant materialism.