Quotes from William Ury

INTRODUCTION THE FIRST NEGOTIATION Let him who would move the world first move himself. —SOCRATES

Accepting him, I find, is the best way to tame him.

When you say that you have a policy, you are signaling that your No is not a one-time message but an ongoing practice to which you have given a lot of thought. It is a signal of resolve, a sign that you will not budge.

If we don't let go of our resentment and regret, we become prisoners of the past.

How can we get what we truly want while satisfying the needs and concerns of others in our lives—family members, work colleagues, clients, and others?

3. Reframe Your Picture. Do you feel like life is in some way against you? How can you make your own happiness today? If life is challenging, can you nonetheless choose to say yes to it, just the way it is? 4. Stay in the Zone. Are you carrying any resentments about the past or anxieties about the future? What will it take to let go and accept life as it is today? What is one small step you can take to stay in the zone, where you are at your best?

Instead of attacking, focused on taking away the stick.

have found that this journey from no to yes with myself is not a single trip, but ultimately a lifelong journey. I have been on this journey for a long time and expect to be on it for as long as I live.

Take the eighteenth-century general who had fallen into disfavor with the great Prussian warrior king, Frederick the Great. Coming upon the king, the general saluted him with the greatest respect, but Frederick turned his back. "I am happy to see that Your Majesty is no longer angry with me," murmured the general. "How so?" demanded Frederick. "Because Your Majesty has never in his life turned his back on an enemy," replied the general.

If you open a door, however, as Diane Nash did with her persistent questions, you offer the other a way out and all your power can be deployed in persuading them to take it. In short, rather than working to frustrate the other, focus on redirecting their attention to a positive outcome.

Framing your solution negatively, such as "Don't shout at me," tends to focus the other's attention even more on the unwanted behavior and may unconsciously reinforce it, particularly if you are shouting back at them. It is more effective to say, quietly, "Please talk to me in a quiet tone." Focus the other's mind clearly on the positive action you want them to take.

You can empathize without sympathizing.