Quotes from Bill Bailey

Deep down, it really is just a meaningless lyric, isn't it? [Sings] "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier". I mean, you may as well be saying "I got ham, but I'm not a hamster"

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

I got ham but I'm not a Hamster

The point with me is that it's always been, even with the stand-up, that the music has to be right. You have to take it seriously. You have to try and play it as faithfully as possible. That way it helps the comedy. Rather than just playing it in a silly way.

I didn't have any brothers or sisters, so I did a lot of stuff where I entertained myself playing games, reading a lot, a lot of fantasy novel stuff.

I was asked to perform at the Olympics Opening Ceremony. But I was up a tree in Borneo filming a documentary about Alfred Russel Wallace! So it couldn't be done.

The Dutch do have a slightly odd sense of humour.

I said to my wife that if I had enough money I'd have my arms lengthened. Slightly longer arms would be great.

As a young man, the temptation was to drink the minibar dry. I did all that - now I prefer to get outdoors.

Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

I used to live on a houseboat near Hammersmith Bridge.

I'm one for new things: I like new technology, I like new music, I'm not entrenched in some view of what culture should be. I like the fact that it's constantly changing and that language is changing, that behaviour changes.